Everyday Sexy

What makes you feel sexy?

I’m sitting here in jean shorts and a tank top that is way too short and showing off my stretch mark streaked, wrinkly skinned, flabby gut. My hair (which has a bad box color) is up in a bun and no make-up. Oh and my glasses. I do not feel pretty and I certainly wouldn’t leave the house looking like this. I feel like the summer has left me in a tired mom rut. Too many lazy days with nowhere to go and no reason to get dressed up…or even brush my hair. My closet is sad since I can’t fit in my pre baby clothes and I keep putting off buying new clothes considering that would be a waste of money because clearly with all my hard work dieting and exercising I will fit into my old clothes in no time. Okay so the diet and exercise part is not entirely true although I do spend a lot of time and hard work thinking about and planning to diet and exercise.

Anyway back to feeling sexy, I think that for every day hot a great fitting pair a jeans would be a good start. One that makes my ass look perky and round and my waist look small and doesn’t give me a muffin top…I’m pretty sure these jeans don’t exist but still fun to imagine! Now onto my sexy top, it needs to make my A cups look like C cups, slim my stomach and hide my armpit tits. Lucky for me I actually have the shoes to complete my milf look! Black boots that are high enough to be hot without looking like a hooker and with just the right size heel to help lift my ass without causing me to break an ankle or trip and crush one of my children. Outfit done, onto hair! Like most moms my bank account doesn’t exactly scream “day at the salon please” so most of the time I have to do it myself. This isn’t working for me unfortunately. So I think I may take the advice of one of my mom friends and hit up a salon school. I promise to let you all know how that goes. Ahhhh, I can picture me now, I look like a 29 yr old mom of four who is trying too hard!  That’s okay though since in my mind I look good doing it!

I would love to know what you do to feel sexy outside of the bedroom.

Damn the Dog

I hate when my dinner plans do not mesh with my after dark plans. Since my lazy ass hasn’t gone grocery shopping yet this weekend I was stuck making hot dogs. I skipped the chili that had sounded so good at the time. You would think I should be in the clear but already I feel my tummy rumbling.

I am not a fart in public kind of girl and I don’t pass gas in front of my husband. I don’t care that it’s a normal bodily function blah blah blah. About a year ago I was faced with horrible stomach knotting gas and a husband who was in the next room and these were not the SBD variety…more like machine gun bursts that rip out of your body. There was no way in hell I was making it upstairs to the other bathroom without squeaking one out on every step and I had at most 8 seconds to make a decision. The towel was there…yup that’s right I snatched up that poor unsuspecting towel and farted into it. I’m not proud but I’d like to think I’m resourceful.

Wow this has really gone off topic. My point is I’m fucking horny and I even shaved my legs (including thighs) and my pussy and now my naughty agenda is on hold until further notice.